Finding my High Heels

From my computer archives. I wrote this July 2011.

{And now looking back 10 years later reading this. I am so glad that I learned all these life lessons. It takes a lot of work and practice to take care of yourself.  I am still learning to listen to my body and make healthy choices.  I am still learning to let go of things that don't serve me.}

During this past Sunday rain storm I had time to reflect back on my first two pregnancies as well as my current one.  I noted how different they all were as well as the differences with myself.  During my first pregnancy, I lounged in the indulgence of pints of Ben & Jerry’s and boy, did it show!  

My second one I restrained myself somewhat with the weight but overall I just looked frumpy.  You know the look - messy pony tail, sweats, t-shirt, flip flops, no makeup, underwear that really should be thrown away plus who cares & nobody notices, and I just don’t have time look! 

Now, this pregnancy has come a little later and life has given me A LOT more lessons since my other pregnancies.  What happened to that person who had style, who looked sexy, who felt sexy, who cared, who had time for herself & made time for herself?  Where did she go?  And why am I shopping for clothes in Wal-mart???

Have you been there?  Did parenthood & marriage come in the middle of the night and steal your lingerie, your sexy black dress and your sassy high heels? 

The answer is YES it has, and YOU let it happen.

This is how it happened to me and this is how I returned to wearing my sexy, patent leather, peek-toe, yellow high heel shoes who I call Tami!  My story is fairly common as well as my excuse.  I simply got “stuck” in life and stopped really caring about the zest of life.  Does this sound familiar?  Bills, schedules, dead lines, to do lists, cleaning, debt, organizing, decorating, dirty diapers, dog poop, let’s just open another credit card, shopping, cooking, laundry, the cat just peed on the clean laundry, dishes, what will people think, slipping & falling in baby throw up, husbands, resentment, lack of sleep, yard work, painting, crying baby, very dirty car, yatta yatta yatta....... I think you get the point.  These things are what ran my life, my marriage and my parenting especially during my second pregnancy.  And that is a direct reflection of what I looked like too.

Life has a bizarre way of giving you just what you need even if you don’t think so at the time.  It is all in your perception to see it as your gift.  So, I decided to take my lemons and make some good ol’ Lemon Meringue Pie!  You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and you do the personal work.  After that, it’s such a wonderful uphill adventure.  Go to the salon & get a saucy new do, buy a pair of thongs, take your kids for ice cream for dinner, kiss your husband like it’s the first time, get a babysitter for a date by yourself, spend hours in the downtown boutique, cook dinner in heels, talk about money & bills at scheduled times, soak in the tub, give more, love more, laugh more and it will all come back to you when it is given freely.

I thank my inspiring, supportive friends and my wonderful husband who has equally done his own personal work and my beautiful girls.  They have all given me the nudge to discover and love myself.  Now pregnant with my third girl, I am rejoicing.  I am back!

I invite all of you to use the wonderful resources available in this area to give you the nudge to rediscover yourself and give your own high heels a name.

 

The Feelings of Disenfranchised Grief

It's a struggle to even write this journal post because I'm not "allowed" to feel the feelings. The grief work on disenfranchised grief is prickly but writing it down helps me process the emotions of it all. And I wrote it to help all of you out there who are reading this and need the validation of feelings like I did.

Someone who caused me so much pain in my life suddenly died at a young age.  She was a part of my story. A big part - the kind of story that transforms who you are.  And now she is dead.

I'm not supposed to feel sad, mad, glad or whatever for her. I am not allowed to talk about her. I'm supposed to have let all that shit go. It was 10 years ago. I may have forgiven her but I will never forget. Ever!

There is no room for how I feel. No place to put it. I am heartbroken. Sad that if there were ever to be an apology, a reconciliation, an understanding, anything - it will never happen. It's not that I expected one but hope is kinda funny like that.

I also feel so mad at her for her choices in my life. I also feel so sad for her too.  We had an awful dance together. So many tears. But I used all that pain as a platform as a gift as a transformation.  So in a way she was my teacher - a gift in a real shitty box. She shined a light on all my ugly - the "dragon" inside of me.

It feels so strange and complicated and awful to have someone die that had such an impact in your life and have to process a lot of it internally and secretly. I had someone scold me for having dark humor about her dying.  Excuse Me! Don't judge me for how I cope with death.  "She is someone's wife, sister, daughter, mother"  Yes, but she was also a bitch in my life, a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, a drunk, a bully. I was afraid to leave my house because of her.  She played that role in other people's lives too.

We both set out to hurt each other as much as we hurt inside.  Of course, that side of her isn't seen by her loved ones.  I never saw that other side of her - the one that other people who loved her knew.  The side that was kind, fun, wonderful.  I do know it existed.  She also saw my dark side and in that knowing and seeing the most awful and the darkest of the dark of each other - it created something between us that doesn't just go away after 10 years. It was an unspoken woman connection of pain.  I can say for sure that if my name came up to her she would not say that she had forgotten me.  I wonder if she ever did forgive me like I had forgiven her?  I wonder what she did think of me after all this time?

I wished things could have been different between us.  I wish none of this ugliness was between us. I wish I knew that wonderful person that everyone else will miss. The fact that she is now dead does not bring me closure because as long as I live then my story lives and the memories are still there. I used to light a candle for her and wish her love and light and hoped she had received it. Maybe doing that again will help settle the bubbling up emotions. Light a candle for her soul and all of those left with the pain of losing her.

I learned you have to be careful who you share dark feelings with.  They aren't for everyone. There are a select few who can handle pain like that. It was the same when I was going through the hurt ten years ago too.

I came across an article online (Click here) that really helped me process and validate my feelings.

I would love for any of you to share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below about the death of someone who caused you pain?

5 Day Iceland Itinerary in Winter

I've been back from Iceland for 2 weeks and I'm still cruising on those vacation highs. I've wanted to visit Iceland for some time especially during the winter and this year was my 40th birthday in January so it was a perfect fit. So many people think I am crazy for wanting to travel in the winter but it is truly magical.  You are never sweaty, you get the real country/people, no crowds and everything glows and is sparkly. I booked our trip in October and the cost was very affordable.

Icelandair - non-stop round trip from Denver was about $500.  2 checked bags $220. When flying there you lose a day. We flew out on Saturday and got there Sunday morning and flew out the next Saturday.

Accommodations - Booking.com was so awesome and easy. Each place ranged $120-$220 a night with a fabulous breakfast.  You have the choice to pre-book and pay later or book now and pay less.

Tickets - You need to buy your hot spring tickets and tours ahead of time.  They only sell so many for certain time slots.  I had a friend try to show up to the Blue Lagoon and was denied because it was sold out.  She was crushed.  We got tickets to the Blue Lagoon (basic was around $60 each), Secret Lagoon ($18 each) and Extreme Iceland jokulsaron glacier cave tour ($200 each).

Car - We rented a 4wd suv with studded tires from rentalcars.com.  It was about $400 for the week. Gas cost us around $300 for the week.  A couple of things that I would recommend. Budget and Hertz are actually in the airport and all the others you have to be shuttled to. I would try to go with the two above.  Also, the SUV's are still pretty small. I would also recommend getting one that is diesel.  Our friends got one and their gas was about $100 for the week. Gas is expensive in Iceland!  We lucked out on weather and all the roads were fine for traveling.

This was our road map for the week.  We really only had 5 days since two were travel days.

Day 1

We flew into KEF airport about 6:00am.  We made it through the airport easy breezy and went straight to Duty Free and loaded up on Icelandic vodka, beer and wine.  It is way cheaper in the airport.  I would recommend getting screw top wine and beer at duty free in the US and getting the Iceland vodka and Brennivin in Iceland.  We hopped on our shuttle to our rental car place (I had to call them to let them know we were there).  Then, we headed to the Blue Lagoon right in time for opening at 8:00am which I am glad because when we left around 11:00 there was a huge line to get in.  We were able to watch the sunrise and the swim up bar was perfect. I got a green smoothie.  The blue lagoon was mesmerizing like a dream. 

We then headed into Reykjavik and had lunch at Saegreifinn.  It was phenomenal!  The seafood soup was incredible and we all picked out a different fresh caught fish that was skewered to be grilled up. We ordered a bottle of wine and sat at their little community table with buoy seats.  I highly recommend!  We went back before leaving Iceland.

We checked into Treasure B&B which was perfectly located and adorable as can be.  We bundled up and went on a walking tour and headed to Hallgrímskirkja church and rode the elevator up to the top to soak in that amazing view of the city.  The architecture of the church is inspired by the Basalt Columns at Vik.  (see above 1st Photo for view).

We walked around town and the famous Laugavegur street and ate pastries, shots of Brennivin, Harpa, viking ship sculpture and by 4:00pm we were so tired from staying up all night on the flight plus all day that I thought I might cry.  So, we started to walk back to our B&B but we made time to have a famous hotdog at Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur.  So good!

Day 2

We woke up super late but luckily in time for a great breakfast and got on the road for the Golden Circle.  We gassed up and went to Bonus (grocery store) and loaded up on snacks and lunch food and ice spikes for your shoes (some of us didn't bring any). Since we got a late start we had to nix a couple of things on our to do list.  In January we had sun from about 9:30am til dark at 5:00pm. We headed first to Thingvellir. I felt like I was in Game of Thrones. 

We then drove by the Geysir. It happened to go off while we were slowly driving so we kept going. After seeing Old Faithful, it was less than impressive but still cool.  We were supposed to have lunch at Fridheimar (cafe inside a tomato greenhouse - everything is made with tomatoes) but we were pressed for time with daylight and our hot springs appointment.  I would have also liked to stop for ice cream at Efstidalur farm and cafe. Next trip, we'll make time.  We got to Gullfoss and you can feel the energy coming off these waterfalls.  What a rush!  We made our way into their cafe/gift shop and bought great souvenirs for the kids and I got a gorgeous Icelandic wool sweater.  Make sure you have their lamb stew. It is $25 a bowl but I practically licked the bowl clean. 

We left Gullfoss with just enough time to drive to the Secret Lagoon hot springs. Our bodies melted into the water after the big day yesterday and being in the car today. This hot spring reminded me of the ones that we go to locally in Colorado.  This is one of the oldest ones in Iceland.  Afterwards, We drove to Selfoss and stayed at Guesthouse Nordheimar which is out of town a little bit hoping to see the Northern Lights. Our host was super helpful and made us a reservation at The Red House in town which specialized in Lobster.  It was really good.  No northern lights that night.  They are very elusive. Our host said that he hadn't seen really good ones since October. Boo

We had to stop and see the Icelandic horses. Their coat is incredibly thick.

Day 3

Woke up earlier today to a fabulous breakfast spread.  We then headed to our first waterfall Seljalandsfoss then to Skógafoss. Both beautiful and uplifting.

We had a picnic lunch at the tables at Skogafoss and then headed to the Skogar Museusm which was impressive!

Skogar

We travelled through incredible landscapes to get to Vik where the Black Sand Beach is.

The Black Sand Beach and Basalt Columns were awe inspiring.  We watched the sunset there and played on the beach as long as possible.  We were all giddy and totally on a natural high.  The waves had such power and the surf would sneak up on you in a heartbeat!

 We left the beach reluctantly and made our way into the picturesque little town of Vik.  We stopped at the megastore of Icewear which had a huge gift shop, cafe and grocery store. We stocked up on a few more souvenirs and lunch food. We then had to get some motivation and drive the rest of the leg in the dark to Hotel Laki.

Hotel Laki is the spot for viewing the northern lights.  It is literally in the middle of nowhere. They will even wake you up and serve hot beverages on their rooftop viewing area. But no northern lights for us.  We ate in their restaurant for dinner which was delicious and the breakfast served the next morning was probably the best of all the places that we stayed. They served us all Brennivin shots with the fermented shark.  I thought it was delicious but two of our friends almost threw up.  haha! Everywhere we did stay all had super high end espresso machines so we filled our travel mugs for the day each time! Delicious.

Day 4

We had a nice leisure morning and late check out to enjoy breakfast and lounge in our rooms because we just had to be at our ice cave tour at 2:00pm.  It was about an hour drive away.  We met at Skaftafell visitor center.  Our original ice cave tour was canceled but they rebooked us with another cave tour.  Apparently, the melting and freezing of the caves during the day and night causes major shifts in the caves themselves.  Our guide showed us caves that were toured last year that were completely blocked now.  This tour was worth every penny!  We hiked up on Jokulsaron glacier and went into an ice cave.  It was created actually where two outlet (fingers) of the glacier meet each other.  The color of blue is exquisite.  Of course we brought some glacier back with us for our evening cocktails.

The beefed up rides were super dope.

We made it to our next hotel Fosshotel Glacier Lagoon and were blown away. So modern and luxurious!  It was the crescendo of the hotel stays.  When I go back, the Fosshotel brand will definitely be my go to place all over the country.  We ate dinner at their restaurant and the food was exceptional and artfully plated.

Cocktails without glacier ice just aren't as good.

Day 5

We made it to Jokulsaron Glacier Bay to see Diamond Beach at Sunrise after a magnificent breakfast at Fosshotel.  It was like a dream.  The sun shining through the glaciers are really like diamonds.  After getting in the full sunrise we hopped back in the car and made the long trek back to Reykjavik which took us about 5 hours.

We checked into Hotel Fron for our last night.  It is a budget hotel but the location is perfect for our last night on the town in search of live music and good eats.  Don't bother with the restaurant in the hotel - it wasn't good.  We trekked down the street and found some good soup served in bread bowls and a dark beer.  It hit the spot!  The soup in Iceland is where it is at.  Our friends headed back to Saegreifinn for more skewers and for some fish & chips.  We took a nap and then headed out on the town around 9:00pm.  During the weekend in Reykjavik they party all night long.  Some places don't even start til 10:00pm and most go until 6:00am. We loved listening to a cover band at Dillon which is a little tricky to find.  You go into the whiskey bar and then find the back stairs that go into the attic.  It was awesome!  We tried Hurrah which is a dance club but we felt 20 years too old.  We then went to Gaukurinn which was next door.  That was a cool place but alas the band was a no show.  Bummer!  By this time it was 2:00am so we went on the hunt for street food.  We found a little square with three food trucks.  We got fares from them all - lobster soup, lobster poboy, cheeseburger, fries and waffles.  YUM!  There was a small chance to see Northern Lights tonight but we were all too tired and looked for them til almost 3:00am.  The next morning we heard that people who took the cruise out to sea from Reykjavik saw them.  

Reykjavik graffiti art is awesome and everywhere

WAFFLES

We spent the last day walking around town experiencing whatever we all needed to get our fill. Then we had to head to the airport and rental car drop off around 1:00pm.  It was a trip of a lifetime and we are all figuring out how to go back.  I absolutely love traveling in the winter and getting the feel of a place and the people. Icelandic people are some of the friendliest and happiest people.  They also said that they feel more American than European and everyone speaks English.  Next time, I'd like to head onto the Northern side.

Sidenotes:

-food and drinks are crazy expensive. $25 bowl of soup. $22 vodka soda. $13 beer. $13 wine.  You can be frugal if you seek it out though.  

-the water tastes amazing here.

-don't be set on seeing the Northern Lights. It's never a sure thing to see, so if you do, then know that it is very special.

-everywhere we went felt so surreal like a dream.

-traveling with friends makes things even more special

-be flexible, tours are often canceled or rescheduled

-I had major jet lag and was just getting better before having to leave.  Next time, I would either get sleeping pills to help or bring Tylenol PM. There is nothing worse than laying in bed so tired and not being able to sleep.

-you can bring any food item back from Iceland to US.  I brought hotdogs, butter, etc...

-when you get back to US, download a customs app so you don't have to wait in the most ridiculous line.  We didn't know this until it was too late.

-check out Icewear and 66north - it's their outdoor clothing/coat gear. Incredible! also, the long underwear there is top notch.

-most hotels have twin beds, when you book as a double they just push them together.
-we used what's app to talk and text for free
-highly recommend getting the wifi hotspot for your car

-everywhere you go is like an Ikea catalog even the gas station bathrooms are lovely

Straw Bale Garden

One thing that I have really been missing since we moved from Montrose, CO back to Telluride, CO is my garden.  I had the most wonderful garden in Montrose and spent so many hours there.  Getting my hands in the dirt keeps me grounded and is so needed for my soul.  I'm finally feeling a little more settled in our new house even though we still have quite the punch list. Although, that's how it goes since we are Do-It-Yourself-ers.  We are already planning our master bathroom remodel!

This spring we decided that we were going to have our garden!  I worked hard in our perennial garden pulling weeds and planting perennials based on their hardiness in this alpine region.  I planted lavender, coral bells, delphinium, black-eyed susan, hosta, lupine, sedum, plus some other miscellaneous fillers/ground covers.  I also planted some apple and peach trees and grapes.

I installed a drip irrigation system on a timer from our hose to make sure things got watered.  It is so dry here and the sun can beat down anything that isn't thoroughly watered on a regular basis.  Plus, we were going on vacation this summer and wanted everything to be easy as possible for our house sitter.  Otherwise, I would be wasting money in the ground without it.  It cost me around $300 for 4 zones.  Not too bad.

And finally, we yo-yoed about how to do a vegetable garden here.  We have a few limitations at this altitude (around 7000 ft.).  After careful thought and research on time, resources and money, we decided on a straw bale garden.  I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a raised garden only to have it fail.  We bought 18 bales of straw at the Nucla Co-op, 50 lbs. bag urea (Nitrogen), and 50 lb bag of 10-10-10 fertilizer.  We also bought stakes and fencing to make sure all the critters didn't eat everything up.  In March, I started seeds in the house.  I did a lot of different things so this year we could test out what grew best here.

Why we picked a straw bale garden:

- inexpensive ($4 bale)
- straw bales can be on top of any surface
- not very labor intensive
- it's super cool

Some down sides:

- you might only be able to use for one season
- you will have a big pile of mulch/compost material after the garden
- root veggies don't work in the straw
- watering is critical due to drying out fast
- grass grows in bales from seeds in the straw and mushrooms

How to start your own Straw Bale Garden

There are plenty of websites explaining all the ins and outs of straw bale gardening which I recommend that you research.  This just explains how we did it and what worked for us.

1. We placed 18 bales in the shape of a U with 6 bales on each side. You want to have the straw bale face up on the side with the ends of the straw. Pick a nice sunny spot.
2. We followed this procedure for putting Nitrogen, water and fertilizer on our bales to condition them to be ready to plant.  You start to break down/decompose the bale. We started this at the beginning of May.  The procedure says about 2 weeks but ours took about 3 weeks probably because it was still pretty chilly here.
3. We transplanted our seedlings into the bales.  Some transplants didn't harden well and others did great.  I would definitely do these from transplant again: tomatoes, cauliflower, peppers, strawberries, leek. All the others, I will plant from seed in the bale: herbs, beans, lettuce, kale, chard, cucumber, melons.  I planted potatoes in columns with straw but they didn't make it this year.  I plan next year to plant in ground around the bales - beets, carrots, radishes, potatoes, onion and garlic. 
4. We got anywhere from 4-6 plants per bale.
5. I set up the irrigation in the garden and it was worth every penny and the time.  I highly recommend it.  It's so easy to do!!
6. I planted the veggies with quite a bit of soil pep on top of the straw bale.  It helped it take root and it helped it retain moisture.  I also set up stakes and twine for my beans and tomatoes.  I let my melons and cucumbers cascade off the bale.  
7. After planting I used Fox Farm Microbrew Fertilizer to help feed my plants.  I also had to use some granular slug and earwig insecticide because they were consuming whole plants overnight.
8. I bought a big frost cloth so I can prolong my garden from the early frosts here and also to use next year to extend the spring season.  
9. Gardening makes me a happy girl!  I am crossing my fingers for a second season of planting in these bales.  

Skinny Mug Muffin Recipe

After Spring Break is typically my New Year time.  It's so much easier to lose that stubborn extra 5-10 lbs that you acquired over the winter.  Low carbs and sugar and minimal meat has always been my go-to for shedding those pounds.

I'm loving this easy and flexible recipe to make in the morning for breakfast.

Jorge Cruise's Skinny Mug Muffin (with my variations)

1/4 cup ground flax
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp coconut oil
1 egg
1 tsp stevia
10 blueberries (optional: substitute with other berries, nuts or a couple of dark chocolate chips)

Mix in a coffee mug and microwave for 1 minute.

Turned out pretty good for a quick breakfast.  You can also pop it out of the mug pretty easy to take with you.

"Slow" Living Comeback

  I've been thinking a lot about the "before me".  The Me before I moved back to Telluride.  I did a lot of fun things in Montrose that I was super passionate about.  First and foremost it revolved around food and kids.  Since that time, my life went on a different path - still a great one but just not that one.  I have also taken this time to homeschool my kids for a year and be present and available to them while working on Me.  As a wife and mama, having a well-established & lucrative career is not easy.  For the ones that have achieved it -Kudos!  But in my experience when a career path that I have ventured on starts really succeeding then my home life starts really lacking which then has brought me to always choosing my family first.  I haven't learned how to juggle both successfully.

Ginger Magnolia Catering: my catering company in Montrose, CO 

Which brings me back to FOOD.  SLOW.  KIDS.  TEACHING.

I've been listening to what the universe keeps placing in front of me.  Ever heard of the Slow Food Movement?  It's an organization that encourages people to get back to the way food was handled in the classic era instead of the modern one.  I have always been a huge supporter of it.  I feel like the large food industry is not the way of the future for a healthy lifestyle.  Localizing your food to your region is the way of the future.  It is not easy to fully embrace this lifestyle the way things are set up.  But on the western slope and in a lot of other communities it is alive and well and flourishing! *sidenote: Please support your local farmer's markets and their vendors!!  

I feel like most people want to support this and know this is the way it should be.  But I also feel that so many people that I encounter say that:

1. They don't know how.
2. They can't afford it.
3. They can afford it and will pay for it.

In all 3 of these scenarios, there is an underlining theme.  Most people don't know how to live or cook "slow".  It is something that I am constantly striving for, teaching myself, learning from others and life is definitely always reminding me to do so.  There is a missing piece to achieving Simple Living. Who is teaching it?  Did you take Home Ec?  Did your family teach you?  Chances are you will say no. Plus, is it even offered at school any more?  And the other piece is being grounded.  I have found that when I am stressed, sick, moving houses, not exercising, eating processed foods - it is really hard to keep yourself grounded which makes it really hard to live intentionally. But it is one of those things that go hand in hand.  If you don't live "slow" then you aren't grounded and vice versa.

I am ready to get back in the saddle to my first love and passion.  Food and teaching.  I don't know it all but I have found the montessori principle to be true that when you teach others that you actually learn and receive much more.

I want my community to know how to:

Canning and Preserving Food

Natural Fermentation

Baking from Scratch

Fundamentals of cooking

Baking Bread

Sewing 101

Gardening

Learning How Did They Make That (soap, candles, etc..)

Visit local crafters/artisans to learn

Making Ice Cream

Making Your Own Condiments

Make Your Own Laundry Detergent

...there are so many arts to learn

  These things are our heritage.  These things are important.  They are getting lost.  Our children's menus are limited to chicken nuggets, grilled cheese and macaroni & cheese.  Ewwww!!  Why can't restaurants offer kid portions of their regular menu?  

Kids Cooking Class: Make your own Pasta

  Maybe baking bread or sewing isn't your thing or you can afford for someone to do it for you.  But, the knowing how is always a good thing.  That way when you visit your local farmer's market, you know exactly "How", ask educated questions and can fully appreciate the time, effort & love that is put into the food you consume.  If you ingest good energy then you put forward good energy.  

I organized a Kid's Baking Competition for a School Fundraiser

  But even more important, you have to educate and teach your child the same.  I see so many families that eat well but their kids only eat chicken nuggets, fries and yogurt.  Kids will eat healthy if you make it taste good, and it's colorful.  I was the lunch lady for 3 years at my children's school and I had quite a few picky eaters that I turned into healthy eaters who became curious and interested in their food.  I remember one kid that said that they didn't eat pesto because it is green.  Well, we made the pesto from scratch.  Then, cooked the penne pasta, grilled some chicken and roasted some veggies.  We mixed it all together and he tried it.  He said that he LOVED pesto!  I had a roommate in college that said that she had never had carrot cake because who would eat a cake with carrots.  I made one and she was obsessed and disappointed that she had never been offered one in the past.  Another adult friend grew up with TV dinners and was a picky eater too.  I encouraged him to try new things - he fell in love with making his own guacamole and eating fresh fruits like kiwi and even grapes.  To me, this is so sad but also so wonderful to have opened up their palates.  I have read that unless there is an allergy, most foods have to be reintroduced to children at least 100 times. 

School Lunch: Veggie Quesadilla, Salsa, Cucumber & Mandarin Orange Salad, Avocado, Milk or Water

How can you incorporate living slower and simpler in your life?  How can you help support this movement in your community?  In what ways do you keep yourself grounded?  What knowledge can you teach and pass down?   How can you encourage putting in foods with good energy in your body and your families' body?  We are lucky to have so many resources out there that can help you.  I want to help teach you and your family how to do these things that we cherish but haven't forgotten to do for ourselves.  

The Before & After ME

Has something so BIG happened to you that you aren't the same person even down to your cells?

Most people that I know have that pivotal moment.  It can range from something joyful like a big trip at an impressional age or a particular time in your life or having kids or it can be something horrific like a betrayal or the death of a loved one.


You're never left the same person nor do you really want to be!


But, occasionally I catch myself grieving the "Before Me" especially when I see photos around that pivotal time in my life and remember what it was like to be her.  I miss her steadfast bravery, her naivety, her sheer stubbornness, her carefree indifference to the world around her, her lackadaisical way of life, so many more freedoms.  

You cannot rewrite the past. You move forward with an open heart.

I have come to respect and honor the "After Me".   She is much more compassionate.  She is more careful and knowledgeable of the heart, more giving without expectations, more communicative.  She listens to her gut and sets boundaries.  She nurtures herself first!

It's part of growing up.  Suffering is a part of the journey.  Experiences is also a part of the journey.  I was watching a movie recently that said something along the lines of you aren't really an adult yet until you get your heart broken.  It is so true.  The yin and the yang of life.

Learning to also honor and embrace the dark parts because they are essential to the light.

Loving the before and after ME and rephrasing in my head to rejoice for every experience that God has given me.