From the Big Box of My Life. part 3: Moving is scarier after kids

Life has a funny way of circling back to the beginning.  

After Andy and I graduated from college we decided to pack up our belongings and move sight unseen to Telluride, CO.  Andy had always wanted to live in a ski town and his life long friend had discovered it on a road trip one summer.  He was currently living there and found us a little condo.  We just about died when he told us the price.  It was $1100 for a 1 bedroom condo.  We paid $425 for the same thing back in Athens, GA.  But at the tender ages of 22 we didn't really mind.  We knew it would all be okay.  We both found jobs that didn't have anything to do with our paid college educations.  I got a job at China Rose Greenhouse as a florist and gardener.  Andy got a job as an apprentice for a wood flooring company.

Our plan was to live in Colorado for a year and then attend grad school.  We had about $6,000 saved when we got to town so we actually didn't look for work right away.  We did some traveling and went to see the Grand Canyon.  But then we had some car trouble that tapped out all of our savings, so that's when we had to buckle down and start working.  When our car broke down, we were taking a friend who had come out to visit back to Denver to catch a flight.  He had to take the Greyhound to Denver and we were stuck in Glenwood Springs for a week.  Of course, we made it into an adventure.  We visited the fairy caves and explored the area.  That's such a perfect example of how carefree we were.  We loved it so much that we never made it back to school.  We just didn't want to leave the area plus we were living in "high cotton" as we say in the South.

Andy and I at the fairy caves gift shop in Glenwood Springs, CO 2001

From the day I left to college until we bought our house in Montrose, CO, I had moved 14 times.  I never really minded it but moving is never an enjoyable chore.  I do like the chance it gives you to purge.  I have always been good at getting rid of stuff.  My mom says that when I was little when I cleaned my room I would just put it all in a trash bag to throw away.  Now, we have been in our house in Montrose for almost 10 years.  This is the longest that I have lived anywhere except for my childhood home.  This is the only house that I have ever owned.  I have had my babies here.  I have my love here, and I have had many tears here too.  It is my safe place.

Now, I am moving full circle back to Telluride.  We almost ended up in the same condos that we started out in.  But, Andy and I have always wanted a little more space and a view.  For the last 6 months or so I have been saying out loud that "I am going to have a cabin in the woods".  It has finally come true.  We found a beautiful cabin that is actually even bigger than our little downtown cottage.  It's right on the edge of the wood on the side of the mountain in Placerville, CO which is about 20 minutes away from Telluride.  Andy won't have to commute an hour and a half every day to work now.  This drive has been such an extreme burden for him.  It's going to be such a good thing for the wellness of our family.  

Our new view in Placerville, CO

Even with my joy for the welcomed change for our family, I am scared.

I have cried.  I have had so much tension and pain in my neck and shoulders.  I have anxiety.  I never had this before with the other moves but I have attached myself so much to this house and this life in Montrose.  It is so much harder to just break away to somewhere new as carefree as I used to.  Does this mean I am getting old?  I have never been the kind of person that has been fearful or afraid of many things especially silly ones like experiencing new things.  I have even cut my super long hair three times ubber short just because it started to feel too comfortable being long.  Leaving my home sorta feels like cutting off my long hair but it's so much harder.  I know some people who would much rather move then cut their hair completely off!  

The process of releasing and letting go is a difficult one.  It is something that I work on daily.  I know that Telluride is going to be Grand.  I love it there and I love my friends that are still there too.  I know how many wonderful opportunities will open up to me as well as my daughters and Andy.  But still, it is so hard to say good-bye to this house.  Even as I say "this is just a house" it brings tears to my eyes.  I usually can't even say it out loud without crying.  

How does a house become something more?  Why do we get attached to things?  It must be a part of the human nature.  Some need to collect shiny objects like squirrels do.  I imagine myself having lunch with my 22 year old self.  She would tell me that I am stupid and being ridiculous!  She would say that she is so excited and who cares about a silly house.  I would tell her that I will do better at letting go and chuckle at her joyful naiveté.  

I don't know what all you struggle with to let go.  But, damn it's so much harder now with kids or maybe because I'm older.  Or maybe I have just gotten too comfortable, and it's time to buckle up and have courage.  The only things that really matter to me can all fit comfortably in the seats of my car which can take us anywhere.